It’s Not About You….

After last week’s post, I thought I would offer a paradox in titles.  Today I want to talk about what other people say and do…..and how it is NEVER about you!  It is especially important to take note of this truth when someone says something hurtful or offensive.  I used to say “it is almost never about you,” but I’ve gotten bolder over the years and am quite confident that it is unequivocally never about you.  It may feel like it is about you….it may get under your skin….it may even sound quite personal.  BUT, it is never about you.

It is about the person saying or doing the thing.  One hundred percent of the time.  If someone says something about your selfishness….they are likely feeling insecure about their own motivation and thinking they might be selfish.  If someone makes a comment about your weight….it is likely that they are insecure about their own weight.  You get the idea…

This may sound a lot like the second agreement in The Four Agreements.  I only recently read this classic (and quite enjoyed it) and was reminded yet again the solid truth behind this.  At the very least, when someone says something hurtful or offensive, it is a reflection on their character.  Do not take it personally (as the agreement says), when they do!

This is definitely one to remind yourself over and over until it becomes an understanding deep in your bones.  Take a deep breath and repeat to yourself, “it is not about me.”  Take care of yourself and let go of what others say and do as much as possible.  It is their responsibility to clean themselves up….in their own time.