Why do we have fences? For one, it helps us know where our property ends. Secondly, it helps us see easily if something is inside our property line. And lastly, they often help us feel safer. Are fences necessary? Not really…. Does everyone have fences? No, of course not.
I think the concept of boundaries can be complex. Most of us could use some clarity on boundaries. And the benefits of boundaries are very much the same as the ones I mentioned for fences. And while everyone may not have land that has a fence or needs a fence, every one of us have a self that is our own “property.”
The first thing to do is to get a good picture of what you want your boundaries to be. Often times, we don’t know we have a boundary until someone crosses it. And then….some have never had a good set of boundaries, so no action is taken.,.,.sometimes resulting in more boundary crossing. Take a moment to decide where your boundaries are. This can be quite a process. But YOU make up the inside of the boundary; therefore, it is YOU who decides what is inside and what is outside.
- Get quiet and visualize some kind of fence around you
- Get paper and pen and write down what you know is inside the fence
- On a separate paper, write some times when you know others have crossed over inside your fence because you felt it and did not like it
- On yet another paper, write some questionable times that it was “iffy” and you weren’t sure if your boundary was crossed
- Take some time to get this out on paper, either journaling or listing according your style and preference
The answers are all within you, but going through this process with help you get clarity….KNOWING your fence-line is the first step in what can be a confusing task of setting boundaries. We will talk more about that next week….
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