questions Archives - Jamie English

August 23, 2019 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

Great Minds…..

Back in the 1990s, I believe, there was a short segment between cartoons and commercials, usually on Saturday mornings. You may remember them. They were narrated or hosted by Genie, aka Robin Williams. He would say something to the effect of, “Great minds think alike…. No, great minds think for themselves.” He would then share stories of historical moments, highlighting incredible people doing incredible things. I loved these segments, and I have forever etched in my mind this phrase, so that anytime someone says, “great minds think alike,” at least internally, I echo, “nooooo….they think for themselves.”

Flashback even further to when I was in high school and one of my favorite teachers would try to push a similar concept, simply put in two words: independent thought. (Shout out to Miss J, now Dr. J, if you happen to read this.) I think she was revolutionary in the education system. Encouraging young minds to have their own independent thought in a system often encouraging young minds to memorize other people’s thoughts and regurgitate these thoughts on tests and assignments.

Maybe these moments in my life helped shape me and my thinking. I like to think they did. Then I think of the many, many times I just “followed the herd” and didn’t have my own independent thinking. Maybe it is due to a lack of confidence in my thinking. Maybe it’s just easier. And in all honesty, I do enjoy hearing what others think. But I am personally trying to revisit these shaping moments of my life. Going back to what was trying to be encouraged in high school and again by whoever wrote the short segments for Saturday morning television.

I am going to start questioning more. If I have believed it for a long time, that is the very time when I want to really “poke holes.” This may be the path to opening our minds. Opening our minds, coupled with grounded reasoning and analysis, can benefit us all. We will have a solid foundation under our thoughts and beliefs rather than blindly “following the herd.”

So much is possible all around us. If I could go back to that teenager in high school, being encouraged to have “independent thought,” and whisper to her about the ways the world will exponentially change thanks, in great part, to technology doing what seemed impossible, her mind would be blown. Bring it back to the here and now. Imagine the possibilities if we each started with our own thinking….and instead of digging in our heels….really questioned things. Great minds think alike. Noooooo, great minds think for themselves.

July 12, 2019 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

But Are You Willing?

Life has moments where challenges arise that require an action that, if we are honest, we really don’t want to do. Honestly, there are adulting things almost daily that we don’t want to do, am I right? What I am talking about here today may apply to these adulting responsibilities, but I am wanting to talk more about those harder things that show up in our lives.

As a therapist, I ask a lot of people sometimes. Look at the painful parts of your life, your traumas, and feel the feelings that come up. I KNOW this is hard. A shift happens, though, when they are honest and say, sometimes with tears welling up in their eyes, “but I don’t want to.” And I say, with every ounce of tenderness I have, “I know…. I do…. But, are you willing?”

While this can be quite powerful in the therapeutic setting, is there a way to apply it in other areas of our lives as well? If we can open ourselves up a bit and say, “I am willing,” it allows a little bit of something almost magical to happen in our minds. We simply don’t have to want to do something to be willing to!

June 23, 2014 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

Thought Bubbles

Wouldn’t it be great if we had thought bubbles in real life that we could take a moment and read?

Since we can’t look up at our thought bubbles, we have to take time out and notice our thoughts from time to time. Our thoughts are so powerful and yet they are often so automatic and potentially running things on inaccurate or outdated beliefs.

Let me give you an example. The other day I was at a stoplight behind a Mercedes. For a second, when I noticed it was a Mercedes, I said to myself, “I wish I had a Mercedes….they are well made cars!” It surprised me to have such a thought, so I began examining it. Where did this thought come from? Then I pieced it together. I remember my friend’s father making this statement when I was 13 years old. He said, “Mercedes are good cars….they might be pricey but they last forever.” He made this statement one time in my presence. I have not pursued researching Mercedes or cars for that matter. I really have no idea if that statement was true or is true. It was a little thought “seed” planted twenty some years ago.

After thinking about the Mercedes thought, it made me curious how many thoughts are deeper within my conscious and ready to pop up. I think it is important to try to catch thoughts….especially if they cause us stress or run havoc in our lives. I believe it is Echart Tolle who says, “You don’t have to believe everything you think!”

A simple thought, seemingly from one little spoken work over twenty years ago….snuck up on me and was harmless. I am more fascinated by my thought popping up than I am interested in continuing to believe the thought….or even figuring out if it is true. How many thoughts are running through our minds, charged with emotion, and we don’t even take the time to look at them more closely?

Look at your metaphorical thought bubbles this week and see what you notice. It might be kinda silly, like mine was. It could be a bigger shift in your life then you expect, simply by exploring these little things we call thoughts!

January 27, 2014 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

A Magic Phrase

We all get sucked it….at least sometimes! People start telling us their problems and issues and we listen….

We start to feel like we need to help. We even sometimes are expected to help. Whether it be family drama, work drama, or whatever, it can sometimes suck us in! Setting boundaries is great. We talked about boundaries before….check here and here.

Here’s an easy phrase, to stay somewhat connected to someone but still setting the boundary:

“What are you going to do?”

When someone is sharing their woes and you find yourself not knowing what to say and not wanting to get sucked in….share some empathy, then put it back to them. Genuinely share some empathy: “Wow! How frustrating!” or “I am so sorry to hear about that.” And then, ask them the magic questions, “What are you going to do about that?” Then….just listen.

Great Minds…..

But Are You Willing?

Thought Bubbles

A Magic Phrase

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