self awareness Archives - Jamie English

February 12, 2021 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

How Do You Hide?

Depending on where you look for body image statistics, somewhere between 60% and 97% of people (men or women….teens or adults) report not having a good body image. Body image is how we think, feel, and act toward or about our bodies. If you don’t feel good about your body, you are certainly not alone. And depending on what you believe about your body, I would bet many reading this would struggle to believe that it is not their body’s fault. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we call this fusion with our thoughts. Sometimes our thoughts are so entrenched that we have a hard time seeing and knowing that it is a thought and believe it to be reality. I posted a quote on social media yesterday from Lindsay Kite that says, “My body was never the problem; my perception of my body was the problem.”

What if we tell ourselves this every time we have a bad thought about our body? What if we could imagine, even if only a moment, what it would be like if we didn’t see our body as a problem, as something holding us back, as something to hide? Extra points if you write some of the thoughts down of what you would do and how it would be.

One quick caveat—weight stigma and fatphobia are real. Society is not always easy breezy for folks in larger bodies or with disabilities. Racism can also sometimes create a hard stop for folks. I don’t want to pretend like these are not part of reality. For purposes of this exercise, I am looking at the stories inside our own heads that we are telling ourselves. How are you hiding? What is your body holding you back from? Can we each find a way to do the thing we would so love to do? Honestly, we may need to get creative or innovative. Maybe we need to show up to our high school reunion or post the selfie on social media. Maybe we tell the truth in the conversation at work. Maybe we go swimming or dancing. Maybe we start the YouTube channel we’ve been dreaming about. The truth is, we can often do the things, wear the things, be the things—it is society who says we can’t. And if there is indeed a limitation, that’s where creativity and innovation come in—maybe we develop a way to somehow work around the limitation.

In Brené Brown’s work, she has a great mantra—she says, “don’t shrink, don’t puff up, stand your sacred ground.” I love this mantra. I developed my own version for my own journey, which you will notice I leave out the don’t puff up part (you can psychoanalyze me if you want). Jamie’s version: Don’t hide—stand in your truth!

February 5, 2021 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

Tricksters

As I was looking at the book that I shared last week, a snippet caught my eye. The authors shared three ways to catch diets disguised as something else. Look for some key indicators—the need for willpower, the need for obedience, and the idea of failure. With intuitive eating, we are working toward trusting our bodies, trusting our natural desires.–no willpower or obedience necessary.

A common complication that comes up is a tendency to turn intuitive eating into a diet. True intuitive eating will not have these concepts. In rejecting diet mentality, a program will masquerade as a lifestyle or wellness, but still, they are a diet in disguise. Diets don’t work, remember, and they often cause harm. If you are trying to live the anti-diet life, be on the lookout for the tricksters. If you see the concept (and sometimes the actual word) of willpower, obedience, or failure…be very suspicious. I tried to come up with a mnemonic, but WOF doesn’t spell anything.

willpower

obedience

failure

January 22, 2021 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

Decluttering, Anti-Diet Style

Okay, y’all, it is January. Time to do some decluttering. If you are on this journey away from diet culture, even if you are just toying with the idea, let me offer you three decluttering ideas. I hear decluttering is a focus for some people this month….let’s declutter anti-diet syle.

Here is a simple and quick thing to declutter—your scale. The number on the scale means nothing. NOTHING. How many times have you been having a good day until you look at the number? And then your day turns bad because of some story that you have been telling yourself about what that number needs to be. The number means nothing. There are lies about that number. I want to keep this a little simple for now. It does not serve you to have a scale. So, declutter it. Donate it or throw it out (or smash it with a hammer, friend, I know some have done this and report it feels ah-mazing).
The next thing to declutter is clothes that don’t fit you or that aren’t comfortable. Or that you don’t love wearing. Many folks out there who have a history of dieting or disordered eating are hanging onto clothes that are too small, hoping that they’ll lose weight. Open up space in your closet and donate those clothes. If you don’t love wearing it or it doesn’t feel right, let it go. (Our size does fluctuate up and down some, and it is okay to have a little bit of flexibility here as you get to know and accept your changing body). Be reasonable with yourself.
The last thing to declutter is your social media feed. Unfollow diet accounts or “fitspo.” Clean up your feed. You can do this all at once and/or have it as an ongoing mindset. It is quick and easy to unfollow (and block if needed) an account. Take some time and dig into who you are following (you might find some anti-diet folks to follow while you are at it). Last year (2020), I tried to see if there was one person to unfollow or unfriend a day….or unsubscribe from a newsletter that was no longer an interest. My thought was it took me less than a minute to do this, and if I were consistent all year long, I would unfollow more than 350 things (spoiler alert, I was only consistent until about March—then so many things went out the window).

Those are just three things to declutter. Even if you are only dabbling with anti-diet ideas, these three can benefit you and your mental health regardless. I mean, if you are wearing clothes you don’t like or aren’t comfortable….or if you are following social media accounts that make you feel gross….you’ll feel better decluttering. And the scale, well….that may need more of its own blog post one day, but at least put it up, so you don’t see it all the time!

January 15, 2021 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

Let’s Look a Little Closer

As we are on this journey of figuring out this new way of thinking, I remembered an exercise I did about a year ago. Make a timeline of the times you have dieted over the years. Give yourself space on each of them to journal your mindset at the time–what you had hoped (maybe fantasized) the diet would bring you. When I did this exercise a year ago, I made two connections. One was adding to my community, which I wrote about previously. Another was my wish for life to be effortless. I fantasized that “when I get my life together and lose weight, everything will be so much easier.” If you do this exercise, be gentle with yourself. Allow me to offer a couple of thoughts as you go forward with any connections you make.

You may need to grieve. Grief is universal, and no one can tell you how to grieve, as we are each so unique. Many of us may not realize that grief is not just the loss of people from our lives, but sometimes the loss of an aspect of ourselves….or a belief about the world. For me, in the fantasy about life being effortless, I had to grieve that maybe that isn’t a thing. Maybe effort will be required, at least to some extent, forever and always. Acceptance can sometimes be freeing. It seems like a paradox, but in accepting that effort may be required, I found some peace, and life seemed a bit easier.
If you uncover a need, as I found that I needed community, see if there is a way to meet that need without dieting and diet culture. We often believe that we have to have a particular body to go to school or pursue a career, pursue a relationship, or do something that brings us joy or pleasure. Often, body size is not a requirement. See if you can do the thing now, in your right now body. And if you meet actual resistance from the outside, it might be time to do some research and advocate. A lot of times, that resistance is simply a story inside our heads.
Don’t be afraid to call in the troops. There can be support on this journey. It might be online through social media or all the various options that the Internet brings. And it might be a therapist. Healthy people have therapists. If you don’t have one, look for one that is HAES aligned, eating disorder informed/trained (maybe even if you don’t think you have an eating disorder), and/or body positive.

How Do You Hide?

Tricksters

Decluttering, Anti-Diet Style

Let’s Look a Little Closer

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