trauma Archives - Jamie English

August 28, 2020 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

Helpful Resource–Healing TREE

This week I want to share a resource with you. I had the pleasure of learning about this agency a couple of months ago. The website is rich with information around trauma. Healing TREE. Note the letters in TREE are all capitalized, as they stand for Trauma Resources, Education, and Empowerment. The mission alone is worth noting:

Healing TREE (Trauma Resources, Education & Empowerment) advocates healing from abuse and trauma rather than coping with the symptoms, in order to transform lives and, ultimately, society. We achieve this by providing trauma-focused resources and education and by producing and partnering with relevant film, television, and theatre, empowering the social change necessary to create a healing movement.

They have a plethora of articles you can read, several book recommendations, as well as videos to watch. Their resources are spot on. I know and love many of the books. You could spend a great deal of time learning as you read the articles and watch videos, and it would be time well spent.

Please check out this website to learn more about trauma. And, if you need a therapist recommendation, they offer an approved care network, which they have taken the time to interview and learn their qualifications and treatment theories and modalities. I know this because I went through the process and am honored to be a part of their approved care network.

July 31, 2020 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

Book Recommendation—Talking to Strangers

Where do I even start with this book recommendation? It was first recommended by a friend when we were discussing the upsetting events that provoked the Black Lives Matters protests in late May of this year. My husband and I share an Audible account, and he listened first. He was sucked in from the beginning and talked about it so much, encouraging me to “read” it to discuss it.

If you can get Talking to Strangers, by Malcolm Gladwell, in the Audible version, I believe that is the recommended way to go. In the audio version, you hear clips of several events and interviews discussed by the author. Get ready for some paradigm shifts. Gladwell sets out to understand the circumstances around Sandra Bland, whom you might recall was an African American pulled over for a traffic violation that quickly escalated and led to an arrest, followed by Bland killing herself while in custody. Gladwell discusses various nuances of communication, as well as beliefs that may be misguided. He reviews several cases, beyond the conflict between African Americans and police. He brings it full circle by explaining the many factors that played a role in the tragic loss of Sandra Bland’s life.

Within this book, there are some valuable pieces around understanding victim responses to trauma and narratives around how we can “read” people’s body language and know definitively if someone is being truthful (spoiler alert—no, we can’t). My takeaway point from the book is to be careful not to blame it on the other person when there’s a misunderstanding. Let’s take responsibility for truly understanding each other, checking our presumptions at the door so that we can better talk to strangers.

Be careful if you read this book, as some content can be difficult to read about—and even more impactful when you hear the actual recordings of some interactions.

affiliate link in the post

May 1, 2020 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

Is Fear Real?

There was a movie a few years ago that, full disclosure, I never saw. It starred Will Smith and his son. Even though I never saw it, I saw the previews and the trailers. There was a line that I really, really liked. He was teaching son about fear. He said….

Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice.

How much of our anxiety is all around stories we are making up in our heads? I do not want to minimize our experiences. Our brains appropriately react to dangerous stimuli. And there are times when our brains have adapted and gone into overdrive based on very real experiences. Retraining our brains is not a simple task. But for the moment, it can be helpful to look at fear as not real. When our fear response is not overactivated, it is a gift in scary situations. When we run into the tiger in the jungle, our brain does what it needs to run really fast or maybe wrestle with the tiger. But when the tiger isn’t there, what are the thoughts causing us problems?

May 3, 2019 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

They’re Just Trying to Get Attention

If someone said, “She’s just doing that to get attention,” what is your reaction to this phrase? I’m not exactly sure how or when, but I believe I was conditioned to ignore the person “just trying to get attention” and even judge them a bit for exhibiting this behavior. I feel like society does this. I have an immediate reaction to roll my eyes, ignore this person and maybe even resent them for “wasting our time.” Wait, what?

Why are we subtly or not-so-subtly encouraged to ignore and resent someone for “trying to get attention”? What if we took this as a cue for someone asking for help. We are HARD-WIRED TO CONNECT. That means we NEED to be loved. Babies come into this world extremely vulnerable and needing that connection to survive. It is a survival instinct to connect. Cavemen had a greater sense of survival if they were in tribes. Rejecting someone in that tribe was as good as saying, “You might as well die.”

If a baby grows into a child who does things “to get attention,” they are coming from a survival instinct to connect. When they are “misbehaving’, that is a clue that they need connection. Why would we dismiss the behavior….child….by saying, “They are just trying to get attention”? Say that phrase if you like….and then inquire further….with empathy. Maybe, if the relationship is important to you, connect with them. Better yet, help them develop skills to connect with others. Help them identify that feeling that is leading to the misbehavior. Sit with them a moment with that feeling.

Now take this new code to older children, teens, and adults. It’s the SAME THING!! If someone is doing something (self-harm, eating disorder behaviors, and the like), let’s shy away from the eye rolling and judgment! EVEN IF they are doing this “just for the attention,” why is that something worthy of dismissing? Something is missing in their life—connection (a sense of love and belonging). As an eating disorder therapist and trauma therapist, I often see clients struggling with their own behaviors as “just trying to get attention.” They second-guess the validity of their symptoms. They sometimes feel like their disorder is “made up,” and they may even have been told they were ________ (not eating, purging, cutting, etc.) “just to get attention.” And to this, I say, “Okay….and? You needed attention.” Where in your life did you not get attention (which is code for love, belonging, connection) when you needed it?

Helpful Resource–Healing TREE

Book Recommendation—Talking to Strangers

Is Fear Real?

They’re Just Trying to Get Attention

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