You Are Never Not Communicating
About a year ago, I was lamenting about how ghosting really bugs me. I was talking with a friend the other day about this. It still is quite odd that this practice of ghosting (not responding to someone via phone call, text, email, etcetera) continues. As I was talking about this with my friend, she was agreeing with me but also helping me realize two important things:
- It might not be intentional. Each of us could be not responding to someone who is thinking we are ghosting them when, in reality, it slipped our mind. How many times have I responded to someone in my head and thought it was in reality? I have another friend who has once or twice not responded for a bit to something I said—and actually, it slipped her mind and mine. And she goes to text me something else and sees the previous text. She responds to the previous text, apologetically, then sends me the current text. It is essential to be careful what story you are telling yourself about someone ghosting you.
- This one is the big a-ha moment of the week for me. Once we discussed the unintentionality that might be around some ghosting that isn't really ghosting, we moved to the person who truly did ghost me recently. I am so sure this person ghosted me. My friend helped me identify the "should" statement in my head that is causing me stress. We will call the ghoster "Sally." My "should" statement rolling around in my head: Sally should just communicate with me. As we discussed this stressful thought, my friend asks, "Well….isn't Sally kinda communicating with you?" Well, yes, she is.
Now I am back to the life lesson I am chewing on. We are never NOT communicating. Yes, we must be careful as the receiver of communication what stories we might be telling ourselves. But it is so true. We are always communicating. Look around and see what is being communicated beyond the words being said.