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September 13, 2019 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

I grew up in the ’80s. There was a classic television show we enjoyed back then called Cheers. It was considered great television. I have fond memories of the characters. Sam was a recovering alcoholic who owned and ran the bar. He was also quite the ladies’ man and a former baseball player. Coach was pouring drinks alongside Sam, and he was pretty dimwitted. We counted on something to be misunderstood by him, creating a snicker for us. Then there’s Cliff, the postal worker who could spout trivia for just about every occasion. Norm, who we know to have a one-liner here and there, a bit sarcastic and cynical. Of course, when he walked in the door, the whole bar would shout “Norm.” Carla is the feisty, short waitress, who hates Diane. Diane is the intellectual, fish out of water, waitress who no one would suspect to be a waitress.

Do you know the show? Did you watch it? Did you love it? It’s on Netflix and I could not resist re-watching it. It’s probably been 25 or more years since I had seen it. I have fond memories of the show, including watching the final episode with the rest of the world and feeling like I was a part of history. And…..

As I am re-watching it, I am finding something quite interesting. The storyline is dull, boring, and sometimes even stupid. Quick disclaimer, I am only in the second season….maybe the storyline gets better. And don’t hate on me. It is only my opinion of course, but I am quite disappointed that the writing is far from brilliant. My memory of this show is that it was sooooo good. That’s why it is a classic. Side note, as someone who was a kid in the 1980s, I was raised watching a lot of television. I am finding more and more reruns of shows from the ’80s are not so great. Still, Cheers?

I continue to watch Cheers, and not just because I keep holding out hope that the storyline will get better. I keep watching because I want to understand why I loved the show….why a lot of us loved it! I am developing a theory. We crave community. The bar is the community for the players in the show. We love to see them ban together when they need each other, even though they sometimes seem to hate each other. We love the warmth of everyone knowing our name and shouting “Norm” when we walk in. We love being annoyed as Diane talks about philosophy or collegiate. We love knowing there is a softer side to Carla’s toughness.

Do have a place where everybody knows your name? Have you already found your tribe, your group, your herd?

September 6, 2019 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

Being Wound-Able

I learned this week that the word ‘vulnerable’ is derived from the Latin word vulnus which means ‘wound.’ I know what vulnerable is, don’t you? Do you have any response to knowing it means wound-able?

I was quite intrigued by this. It brought images of physical warfare, where someone would have no way to hide and maybe no way to fight back. And, honestly, no weapon and no armor in the wide-open during a battle or potential battle would also be described as ‘vulnerable.’ Yet, we describe the emotion of being vulnerable….and most of us immediately know exactly what I am talking about and might even have a visceral reaction to the thought of feeling vulnerable. I haven’t met anyone yet who likes or enjoys feeling vulnerable. Most of us work hard to avoid this feeling. We build up our armor and/or we hide, right?

Brené Brown teaches that the only way to be what she calls wholeheartedness is through being vulnerable. She defines wholeheartedness as “choosing to live and love with our whole hearts.” Being vulnerable deepens our connection with others. Deep, heavy sigh inserted here.

I’m going to run with the warfare, armor, vulnerability metaphor a little more. We do not like feeling vulnerable. If we were in the middle of warfare that we wanted to end, it JUST MIGHT start with one person, putting down their weapons, and taking off their armor. Who are we at warfare with unnecessarily? Our significant other? Family? Friends? Allowing ourselves to be wound-able might begin the process of ending that warfare. Besides ending the warfare, that deeper connection (what Brené Brown says we are wired for) is the potential reward.

Vulnerability is not going to come naturally. We have to set the intention over and over again. Where can you be vulnerable today? Look for places in conversations and interactions, maybe even on social media, to try it. See where it leads you. There are risks…..EVERY SINGLE TIME! Living in authenticity is worth it, regardless of how others respond. But if they respond with empathy, love, and compassion….

If you are hearing about Brené Brown for the first time here, I encourage you to check her out. She has a Netflix special, she has amazing books, she has TED Talks, and so much more!

August 30, 2019 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

Soundtrack to Your Life

Earlier this week, I was listening to ‘80’s music and Total Eclipse of the Heart started playing. At some point in the song, I said to my husband, “This song sounds like teenage angst to me.” The reason for this is….well I was a teenager when the song was popular and I had angst. Then yesterday, I was listening to a podcast, Every Little Thing. This podcast is a hodgepodge of topics, but this week was all about music. The first half was about how to get rid of an earworm. When a song gets stuck in your head, which is a common phenomenon for most of us. But the second half of the podcast was about songs that play vivid memories of times in our lives.

What is the soundtrack to your life like? What songs from your past evoke a memory for you? A couple of years ago, I was tasked with determining a “walk-up song” for myself (like when a baseball player walks up to the plate, but for walking up to whatever you are doing). I came up with Roar by Kay Perry. What’s your “walk-up song”? Pay attention the music in your life. It is quite powerful and emotional.

August 23, 2019 by Jamie English Leave a Comment

Great Minds…..

Back in the 1990s, I believe, there was a short segment between cartoons and commercials, usually on Saturday mornings. You may remember them. They were narrated or hosted by Genie, aka Robin Williams. He would say something to the effect of, “Great minds think alike…. No, great minds think for themselves.” He would then share stories of historical moments, highlighting incredible people doing incredible things. I loved these segments, and I have forever etched in my mind this phrase, so that anytime someone says, “great minds think alike,” at least internally, I echo, “nooooo….they think for themselves.”

Flashback even further to when I was in high school and one of my favorite teachers would try to push a similar concept, simply put in two words: independent thought. (Shout out to Miss J, now Dr. J, if you happen to read this.) I think she was revolutionary in the education system. Encouraging young minds to have their own independent thought in a system often encouraging young minds to memorize other people’s thoughts and regurgitate these thoughts on tests and assignments.

Maybe these moments in my life helped shape me and my thinking. I like to think they did. Then I think of the many, many times I just “followed the herd” and didn’t have my own independent thinking. Maybe it is due to a lack of confidence in my thinking. Maybe it’s just easier. And in all honesty, I do enjoy hearing what others think. But I am personally trying to revisit these shaping moments of my life. Going back to what was trying to be encouraged in high school and again by whoever wrote the short segments for Saturday morning television.

I am going to start questioning more. If I have believed it for a long time, that is the very time when I want to really “poke holes.” This may be the path to opening our minds. Opening our minds, coupled with grounded reasoning and analysis, can benefit us all. We will have a solid foundation under our thoughts and beliefs rather than blindly “following the herd.”

So much is possible all around us. If I could go back to that teenager in high school, being encouraged to have “independent thought,” and whisper to her about the ways the world will exponentially change thanks, in great part, to technology doing what seemed impossible, her mind would be blown. Bring it back to the here and now. Imagine the possibilities if we each started with our own thinking….and instead of digging in our heels….really questioned things. Great minds think alike. Noooooo, great minds think for themselves.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Being Wound-Able

Soundtrack to Your Life

Great Minds…..

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